Leaving is hard to do

There are many things I find quite easy to leave. I can't easily walk away from a fabulous bag if I think it's overpriced or I just don't love it enough. Leaving my last job was pretty easy as well. While the logistics took just about forever, it felt great to walk out of the office very late one night last year. Even my most recent job was not so hard to leave. I have been longing for a break and honestly, I was just feeling completely burnt out so I had no qualms jumping on the plane on Saturday morning. Landing in Nairobi and enjoying these last two days has made leaving Sudan all the easier.

However, with my flight to London and then the United States only a matter of hours away, I can't help but to feel super nervous and all-around tense about leaving. I noticed it in the lack of a full night's sleep last night and today, my entire body has felt tense and I've had no appetite. I would like to say I don't know what it is, but I do.... 110% FEAR! In spite of my total excitement about returning and seeing my family and friends again, I'm nervous about my future and what comes next. Even more so than that...I know the feeling that awaits me within a minimum of one month after returning back....that 'I wanna go back to Africa' feeling! I've lived with it before so I know what it's like and it is scary. I makes it difficult to live in the moment when your head is always thinking about coming back to somewhere else. I know I totally sound like those cliché people with their over exuberance about a particular place (think about those people who study abroad and 15 years later are still talking about 'when I lived in______,' but I can't help it. Maybe it is the unknown of being in the states versus the chaotic comfort that is here. Or maybe I just really like this version of myself. I don't know.....

Anyway, nothing to do about this feeling now. I'm just going to continue feeling it, and making the most of the hours that I still have left (which include baking a birthday cake with the cutest 8 year old)!

Between flying everywhere, jetlag and adjusting to being in the States, I'll be pretty busy this week but check back next Monday for a FULL update!

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