21.10.08

Getting Older v. Growing up

Yesterday was the first day of my last year in my 20s (i.e. my 29th birthday) and the days leading up to my BIG DAY were filled with many questions and the normal reflections. I definitely have mixed feelings about getting older which is a process that is often linked to growing up. Anyway…here is the good, bad, and ugly about doing both:

The Good:

-          I definitely feel more confident in general than during my younger years. For example, this year, I just knew that I would be able to get a job upon leaving Sudan. In previous periods of unemployment, I had a lot of self-doubt about what I could offer a company, but this time around, I was able to enjoy my time off while confidently job hunting and I did eventually land a job.

-          I'm feeling a bit more open to life. I've spent a lot of time feeling that I had to do X and if I didn't do X basically the world would crumble. But life continues to unfold despite my best laid plans and I have yet to sink into some big hole in the ground so that's reassuring. Not to get all holy on you, but I definitely feel like there is a master plan out there for me and that each year and each decision is a step closer to living out that master plan.

-          Listening to my intuition is also something that I continue to improve on almost everyday and I'm slowly learning to decipher listening to my intuition and following all my random whims.

-          I'm much more conscious of the food that goes into my body and how the choices I make regarding how I spend my food dollars really do impact other people (i.e. food producers, the environment, etc).

-          Learning to let go. Now of course this goes against every control freak bone in my body, but I'm definitely learning to let go of things (and people) that aren't meant for me. (Please note this is a work in VERY SLOW progress.)

The Bad

-          I still have very conflicting views as to what this whole 'growing up' business is all about. For example, it seems that there are very clear rules that as you get older, you accumulate more stuff and basically your responsibilities in life increase. Having furniture, home ownership, being responsible to a family of your own making (i.e. husband and kids) and also to the family you are born into (helping to take care of older relatives who once took care of you), more bills to pay, etc are all part of this 'growing up' package that I'm not 100% sold on. It all sounds nice in theory, but also very much like someone chaining you to ONE life, no more freedom to pick up and go where the wind blows as the consequences are much higher. I guess my inner youth is still fighting going toward this 'grown up' light!

-          I continue to feel very confused about how to put everything I love into a career (or small business in particular) that I'm passionate about that also affords me the lifestyle that I want. I continually feel like I know more about what I DON'T want to do but not more sure about what to actually DO want and that I'm sorta just bumping along.

The Ugly

-          It's DEFINITELY harder to lose weight with each passing year. So to all my younger readers….LIVE IT UP WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!

1 comment:

Jacqueline Smith said...

Belated happy birthday!
Found you through fly Girl, and I'll definitely be back!

It's hard for nomads to acquire things eh? Besides, nomads have always had a different outlook about property than most. And they tended to be free spirited; they found chains annoying to the nth degree. Best wishes as you follow your intution and actualize the master plan.