What am I doing?!?

Are you anything like me? Do you sometimes get that "what the F am I doing " feeling? It's been creeping up on me for a while now, or maybe it's always there and I've just become really good at ignoring it....

I don't know what I was expecting when I moved back to the land of the free or the home of imported cherry blossoms that still have yet to bloom (Washington, D.C.). My needs were pretty basic at the time: get job, get apartment. I landed myself a job right back in International Development, HQ style, and got a decent little apartment. On the home front, I have exactly what I've wanted for a long time: a space that's all mine that I can decorate as I feel and can unpack all my belongings that have been stored in various locations over the last few years. I love my neighborhood, slowly meeting new people and best of all the city of Washington.

On the career front....well I'm not so sure. What I find very scary is that after only 6 months my job feels safe. Not in the "I can't get fired" way, but more "I know the path that lies ahead of me." I can keep doing what I'm doing and sloooowly climb the ranks of the non-profit/contractor circle or possibly make a play for a government job working on behalf of the American people. Either way, it all invokes me spending way too much time in front of a computer. The one thing I do know for sure is that I don't want to stick to anything just because it's comfortable and safe (I have yet to have a job that pays me mega bucks so I don't know what it's like to stick to something just for $$). I'm still naive/idealistic in wanting to spend my working years, i.e. the majority of my life, doing something that is challenging and yet rewarding. I guess my challenge lies in finding/creating such work that still pays enough to keep a roof over my head.....

1 comment:

AphroChic said...

This questions keeps coming up! I have had many long and involved conversations with friends over the past two months, many of us asking the same thing.

I read somewhere that with our nation in so much transition, good and bad, that many people are asking this question, rethinking their lives, and their place in the world.

I find myself doing the same thing. I sit in front of a computer all day too, and although I love my job, I am beginning to feel less and less satisfied. I think it's a good thing to ask the question "what am I doing?" because that's when you know there is more out there to explore. The next steps is getting up the nerve to give up what's "safe" and do something new.

Good luck!